Anyone have any spare cough syrup?

Well, I told you I would have some stories to tell...

The first thing we did when we entered Turkey was to visit Gallipoli.
The experience there was quite unlike anything so far. As you can imagine, the place is just the most insane rugged coastline. All around are dotted monuments and cemeteries, but it is all very understated and simple. Essentially you can feel the history of the place around you. The wind was howling and everything echoed to the sounds of flags and the sea.

Everyone could sense the memories of the soldiers around then and the ANZAC spirit was suddenly very real.

Coolness basically.

Then we were off to Troie (Troy). It wasn't disappointed, but it was hardly amazing either. The mix of history and legend was fascinating, but for once I couldn't really connect what I was seeing to the history I knew was behind it. And it was very small and unassuming. Yet another once in a lifetime experience though.

Off to Istanbul then. We visited a couple of palaces and then went to a Turkish bath. If having a huge Turkish man twisting and stretching me beyond recognition doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs.... well it wasn't that traumatic.... Then I had a shave and haircut that took and hour and was the most bizarrely intricate grooming experience I have ever endured! It featured a lighter burning hairs off my ears.

Next was Bulgaria, Macedonia and Albania. I knew we were going to go to some “tricky” countries, but oh my god.... Albania in particular was madness. If I said Kavala was Mexico, well Albania was probably India. The whole place was incredibly run down with broken streets, decrepit buildings, animals being slaughtered on the street... Everything. We saw a cow being put into a taxi. What made it worse was Willem (one of the South African guys) was denied entry and have to fly around to Croatia. Then we got to the “resort” we were staying to be met with a thunderstorm and leaky rooms. Thank god it was a tent-less night.

That night we also went to the resort disco and partied with.... wait for it... about a dozen paraplegic Albanians in wheelchairs. If I have a more bizarre experience in my life I will be very, very surprised. And it was also one of the Emmas 25th birthday. A story for the grandchildren.

And now we are in Croatia - Dubrovnik actually. The feeling of being back in civilisation is such a relief. Hot showers and seated toilets are an indescribable luxury. Just about to wander around Dubrovnik now – it is a tiny little walled city with a similar feel to Venice so that should be cool.

Random thoughts:
- I never once ate Turkey whilst in Turkey which was a huge disappointment. I did, however have Turka Cola.
- I never, ever, ever, want to have diahrea in Albania ever again. Ever.
- The toilet facilities found on most national borders must verge on acts of terrorism.
- Kirsty - when is a good time to call you on your birthday? I am going to try - depends on when we are traveling. Text me the answer!
- About half of the worlds artifacts have been stolen by the British Museum, and as a result there are a lot of very pissed off local tour guides out there.
- For some reason there is almost constant lightening every night in the Balkans. Why?!!!? I have become convinced it is actually some form of shelling from Serbia.
- Have you ever had lunch at an Irish pub in Macedonia where they could hardly even speak English? I have!

This is so fun! So many memories already...
I hope everyone has the best ever presents for Kirsty!

And yes, Albania does smell like a dead whale that has been eating too much garlic. And for once I didn't make that up.

Hey Mindy and Kirsty - if either of you wants cornflakes or homeless guys to eat in the morning, just come to me. I have heaps of both that I picked up in a nice place in Albania. No shortage of scabies. Or gypsy babies.

Still no Turkey though.